Someone in my building (I think I know who you are) gave my cell number (without asking me tsk, tsk) to a local yokel. The result was a baffling phone call from someone, who for the purpose of this blog, we’ll call Frikkie.
Ring ring.
B: “Hello?”
F: “Haylows”
B: “Hello?”
F: “Heylows”
B: “Yes. Hello. Who is this?”
F: “It’s, um, it’s, you know, FRIKKIE” (Shouting in case I don’t hear so good)
B: “Who?” (Thinking who the hell is this?)
F: “FRIKKIE. FRIKKIE.”
B: (Fergd’sake) “Who are you?”
And so on.
Frikkie (surprise) is a local bachelor, never been married, whose claim to fame is that he apparently makes tons of dosh from investing in beef cattle and various farming ventures. After he told me in his mangled English where I’d met him (exactly once, in my office building when he came to see his accountant whose rooms are next to mine) and who I literally instantly forgot because he’s just so totally forgettable, the poor rich beige thing.
He called on Saturday evening to invite me to lunch on Sunday.
Now, see, that’s just doff.
I made up an excuse and said in my most rounded English tones
“But we must go for coffee sometime…”
Dear heavens.
Whatever next?
I have no idea how this stuff works.
So, as always when attacked by puzzlement and confusion, I turn to the trusty Internet, which is where I get all my information about life’s important stuff such as “How to Choose a Divorce Lawyer”.
Along with some other very interesting snippets set out on “Dating 101” I have now learned “How to Pick Up a Sailor” and I copy it here for your convenience. You never know when it may come in handy, besides which, a darling friend of mine says one should try to learn something new every day.
How to Pick Up a Sailor
Step 1: Visit port towns or cities with large, rotating sailor populations.
Step 2: Frequent bar and restaurant establishments in the vicinity of docking areas.
Step 3: Visit areas that hold Fleet Week celebrations or similar Navy-based military events.
Step 4: Keep apprised of current world affairs and the Navy's involvement in those affairs.
Step 5: Learn key sailing terms and become well-versed in navy terminology.
Step 6: Get a clerical job in the Navy so that you will have access to ship schedules and personnel records.
Good luck.
Ring ring.
B: “Hello?”
F: “Haylows”
B: “Hello?”
F: “Heylows”
B: “Yes. Hello. Who is this?”
F: “It’s, um, it’s, you know, FRIKKIE” (Shouting in case I don’t hear so good)
B: “Who?” (Thinking who the hell is this?)
F: “FRIKKIE. FRIKKIE.”
B: (Fergd’sake) “Who are you?”
And so on.
Frikkie (surprise) is a local bachelor, never been married, whose claim to fame is that he apparently makes tons of dosh from investing in beef cattle and various farming ventures. After he told me in his mangled English where I’d met him (exactly once, in my office building when he came to see his accountant whose rooms are next to mine) and who I literally instantly forgot because he’s just so totally forgettable, the poor rich beige thing.
He called on Saturday evening to invite me to lunch on Sunday.
Now, see, that’s just doff.
I made up an excuse and said in my most rounded English tones
“But we must go for coffee sometime…”
Dear heavens.
Whatever next?
I have no idea how this stuff works.
So, as always when attacked by puzzlement and confusion, I turn to the trusty Internet, which is where I get all my information about life’s important stuff such as “How to Choose a Divorce Lawyer”.
Along with some other very interesting snippets set out on “Dating 101” I have now learned “How to Pick Up a Sailor” and I copy it here for your convenience. You never know when it may come in handy, besides which, a darling friend of mine says one should try to learn something new every day.
How to Pick Up a Sailor
Step 1: Visit port towns or cities with large, rotating sailor populations.
Step 2: Frequent bar and restaurant establishments in the vicinity of docking areas.
Step 3: Visit areas that hold Fleet Week celebrations or similar Navy-based military events.
Step 4: Keep apprised of current world affairs and the Navy's involvement in those affairs.
Step 5: Learn key sailing terms and become well-versed in navy terminology.
Step 6: Get a clerical job in the Navy so that you will have access to ship schedules and personnel records.
Good luck.
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