the princeling

I've waited a long time to allow another cat into my life.

When Cleo was dying my thinking went, "Do anything, everything. Whatever it takes, she MUST live". I willed her, begged her, to get well; kissed her fur and murmured over her for months. And she tried, so very hard, to do it for me, my beautiful kit. The vet was young and anxious. He poured over fat volumes of veterinary theory. He gave me tracts and pages to read, explained the options in painful detail. But he was baffled. Books were useless. She died in my arms after months of medication, hospitalisation, a feeding tube plugged into her stomach, and as a last resort a massive blood transfusion. Cleopatra Mouse Catcher Queen of Dragon Slayers, never will there be another like you.

But it seems there are others and they're, well, like themselves. Take Caspian. He's clearly royalty. The moment people meet him they know this.

All of three weeks old and still nursing, he was found abandoned and alone. For the last two weeks he's been bottle fed by a rotating collective of human mothers. This week has been my turn. Small as he is, he's clever, funny and brave as a lion. He's going to be a huge male cat one day. He purrs like a diesel engine. He travels to the office with me during the day, along with a collection of toys and foods, blankies and cushions, hot water bottle... At night he sleeps in a box within reach of my hand, waking every three or four hours for a feed and a chat. Looks like we're in this for the long haul.

So, naturally incapable of letting anything simply be, I'm compelled to understand, analyse and interpret his arrival. Of all the cats I've had the opportunity to take on since Cleo, why this one, why now, and what does this portend? On the surface, it's obviously to do with releasing, risking and seeing again the possibility of a safe, happy future. And then there's the timing. Full moon, winter solstice. Unseen and impossible to believe, but from tomorrow the days will get longer and spring is closer daily. Before you know it, I'll be basking like an otter at the dam. And I've realised how in love I am with my life after so terribly long and that this alone - even without all the other wonders and miracles - makes my desert trek of the past year a thousand times worthwhile.

That's pretty momentous stuff wrapped up in one tiny feline.